I was just musing over this last night as I erased a SPAM message from my Yahoo account. It was one of those garden variety ones that we all get…rich relative (usually in Africa) has died, you’re the only one mentioned in the will, there’s $XX.X million waiting, all you have to do is send your name, social security number, bank account number, current phone number, address and the last time you had sex to blahblah address and before you know it, a pre-loaded VISA card will be on it’s way to you, you lucky bastard (lol)!
Got to thinking about it. I get maybe about two of these a day; so by that logic, spread that out over a year period, and 730 relatives of mine die yearly…usually tragically, in a car crash, oil derrick explosion…what have you. Then throw in the money I’m missing out on by not responding…these mails usually claim between $1.5 and $15.5 million…so, I figure a good average would be $8 million. Multiply that by 730, and…
That’s some SERIOUS money, yo and fo shizzle!
Maybe I need to stop erasing that shit. Maybe…just MAYBE these things are for true…and I’m throwing good money away! Maybe I could become a billionare…who knows, maybe I AM related to almost 800 people who die tragically every year…I need to start responding to these things and…
Psyche. Me am not THAT stoopid. 😉
Stacie pic uploaded to make up for you having to read that crap. Later! Tolstoy
EDIT: Here’s the latest one…just had another relative drop dead:
FROM THE DESK OF (edited)
MEANWHILE,I WAS VERY FORTUNATE TO COME ACCROSS THE DECEASED FILE WHEN I WAS ARRANGING THE OLD AND ABANDONED CUSTOMERS FILE IN OTHER TO SIGN AND SUBMIT TO THE ENTIRE BANK MANAGEMENT FOR AN OFFICIAL RE DOCUMENTATION AND AUDIT OF THE YEAR AGAINST 2009. I PRESUMED THAT ALL IS WELL WITH YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.PLEASE LET THIS NOT BE A SURPRISED MESSAGE TO YOU BECAUSE I GOT YOUR CONTACT INFORMATION FROM THE INTERNATIONAL DIRECTORY FEW WEEKS AGO BEFORE I DECIDED TO CONTACT YOU ON THIS MAGNITUDE AND LUCRATIVE TRANSACTION FOR OUR PRESENT AND FUTURE SURVIVAL IN LIFE. MOREOVER,I HAVE LAID ALL THE SOLEMN TRUST IN YOU BEFORE I DECIDED TO DISCLOSE THIS SUCCSSFUL AND CONFIDENTIAL TRANSACTION TO YOU.
I AM THE SENIOR AUDITOR INCHARGE OF FORIEGN REMITTANCE UNIT OF OUR BANK AND I DECIDED TO CONTACT YOU FOR THIS FINANCIAL TRANSACTION WORTH FOURTEEN MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND US DOLLARS (14.5M) FOR OUR PRESENT AND FUTURE SUCCESS. THIS ISAN ABANDONED FUND THAT BELONGS TO ONE OF OUR BANK FORIEGN CUSTOMERS WHO DIED ALONG WITH HIS ENTIRE FAMILY THROUGH PLANE CRASH FEW YEARS AGO.
INFORMED CLEARLY THAT IT WAS STATED IN OUR FORIEGN BANKING RULES AND REGULATIONS WHICH WAS SIGNED LAWFULLY THAT IF SUCH FUND REMAINS UNCLAIMED TILL THE PERIOD OF FOUR YEARS STARTED FROM THE DATE THE BENEFICIARY DIED, THE MONEY WILL BE TRANSFERRED INTO THE TREASURY AS UNCLAIMED FUNDHOWEVER, IT IS NOT AUTHORIZES BY THE RULES GUIDING OUR BANK FOR A CITIZEN OF BURKINA FASO TO MAKE THE CLAIM OF THE FUND UNLESS YOU ARE A FORIEGNER NO MATTER THE COUNTRY.
SO THE REQUEST OF YOU AS A FORIEGNER IS NECESSARY TO APPLY FOR THE CLAIM AND TRANSFER OF THE FUND SMOOTHLY INTO YOUR RELIABLE BANK ACCOUNT AS THE NEXT OF KIN TO THE DECEASED.WHEN THE FUND IS TRANSFERRED INTO YOUR ACCOUNT 35% WILL BE FOR YOU IN RESPECT OF ALL YOUR ASSISTANCE FOR THE TRANSFER OF THE FUND INTO YOUR ACCOUNT AND PROVISION OF THE BANK ACCOUNT WHERE THE BANK WILL REMIT THE FUND, 60% WILL BE FOR ME BEING THE PIONEER OF THE BUSINESS WHILE THE REST 5% WILL BE SHARED TO RESPECTABLE ORGANISATIONS SUCH AS CHARITY AND THE DESTITUDES HOMES ARROUND US IN THE WORLD.
IF YOU ARE REALLY SURE OF YOUR TRUSTWORTHINESS,ACCOUNTABILITY AND CONFIDENTIALITY ON THIS TRANSACTION, CONTACT ME AND ACCEPT NOT TO CHANGE YOUR MIND TO CHEAT OR DISAPPOINT ME WHEN THE FUND IS TRANSFERRED INTO YOUR ACCOUNT SO REPLY FOR THE ASSURANCE WITH YOUR TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBERS TO FACILITATE EASY COMMUNICATION. AS SOON AS YOU REPLY, YOU NOTIFY ME SO THAT I WILL LET YOU KNOW THE NEXT STEP AND PROCEDURE TO FOLLOW IN ORDER TO FINALIZE THIS TRANSACTION SUCCESSFULLY.
I EXPECT YOUR URGENT COMMUNICATION.
How STUPID do these fuckers think we ARE, anyways?!