Got some stuff to do today, and I want to get this off my mind and onto “electronic paper” so I can move on. My first ever FetLife RANT that has NOTHING whatsoever to do with the business of producing other than the events happened during my days of producing and interrupted said production. This little something managed to get under my skin and really piss me off. It’s something that made me want to
SSSSSSSSSCCCCCCCRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAMM
and put my fist thru not one, not two, but THREE computer screens…and take a well earned piss on an iPhone. 🙂 What is my demon? What is the name to my pain?
“Software/Firmware and/or Cell Phone App Updates.” GAH!
You have the app or the software and it runs and is fine. But somewhere out there, some developer with nothing better to do decides to add on an extra…something to increase your enjoyment with the product even more and sends it to you in the form of an “update”. It’s just too bad the update always seems to hit when you’re taking a dump, or doing something else equally important. 😉
I mean really…how many night owls out there in the crowd can’t say they were watching something on NetFlix or playing “Warcraft” (or whatever your geeky gaming heart desires) at 2 in the morning, only to have your computer say,
“Windows has detected two important security updates and has downloaded them. In order for these critical updates to be installed, this computer must be restarted NOW. Because I SAY SO. Implementing restart and interrupting your life in 30 seconds…”
You CAN interrupt the process and put it off…so you tell the thing to wait an hour…ya snarky little ass…and continue to watch said movie or game…only to have that update pop up again in an hour.
“HEY! I told you these are SERIOUS updates, jag-off! Turn off your porn and restart me and let me install them or your computer will blow up and die and THEN where will you be???”
Fiiiiiiiine. You win. So you restart the thing and let it update…and by the time it’s finished, it’s 4 am and you’re asleep in your computer chair…with the password screen waiting diligently for you to enter it and bring the machine back to life. Grand. 🙁
And then, there’s “smartphones” and their apps. I’ve only owned iPhones, so I can only comment on those. On the iPhone apps, when you miss stuff, like say, a text or phone call or @you Tweet from Twitter, it places a red number on the app that distracts my OCD self, reminding me that there’s something there I need to do. NOW. It’s not like the app is pulsing at me to do it…I supply that behavior myself, thank you (lol), the app is just a “trigger” for it. Then, you enter in the updating app factor.
Generally, when an app developer has something new and exciting they want to add to the app, it happens at the least convenient time for you. Most apps can be updated on the fly…enter your password to the iTunes App Store, and the app goes about it’s merry business of updating by itself, without bothering you….unless it’s over 10 mb and the iPhone tells you it needs to be connected to a computer and iTunes to update said app….
And you happen to be in CLEVELAND and half a country away from your home computer at that moment. JOY.
So, for the rest of your day, every time you turn on your phone, you get to see that red number staring out at you…begging and pleading to be updated and done so NOW so that the evil red number of death can be removed from being a blight and eyesore upon your beautiful and precious iPhone screen…
No worries…therapy begins tomorrow. 😀
The killer, tho, has to be software/firmware updates on the PC. I have three of them…a main PC (which I’m typing on now), a back-up PC (for the “just in case” of a computer failure, and bought just to keep the business running in the event of a shut down of the main one), and a laptop for when I’m being mobile. 🙂 I’m also tech junkie enough to own two Kodak printers (one for each PC)…I’m hooked on Kodak product; they make good printers. 🙂
So anyway…on my last time putting together material for the sites, I was really rolling…producing product both still pics and video up the wazoo…I was a production MACHINE, kicking ass and taking names! I was kinda proud of my little self…I really put together a lot of GREAT product that you fans are gonna LOVE! In the middle of all this, my Kodak printer tells me that the firmware needs to update. Grand.
Again, like before, there was a “Do this (specified time) later” option…but this time I just figured that the update would run in the background while I worked, no big deal. SO NOT SO…my fcuking machine ground to an almost halt while the thing worked away on the update. Then something odd happened…Photoshop closed, all my icons disappeared from the screen and the firmware started on it’s merry way towards completion, downloading from Kodak’s servers what it needed. I think the update somehow decided to restart my machine while it was updating! I killed the update and just restarted the machine to let it update again normally (something got crossed somewhere, obviously)…which it did with no issues, but the machine was now dedicated to the update. Thanks, Kodak. 🙁 So while I was waiting for this to happen, as my “creative pulse” had faded, I decided to go online and play on my back-up computer…
“New firmware is available for this, your OTHER Kodak Printer! Please stop your life and your fun once again and update THIS PRINTER’S FIRMWARE, TOO!!!”
You Sonofabitch! Now, I’m at a near rage, but laughing inside at how my computers were seeming to rebel all at once on me…would the laptop follow sort? I turned it on and, since it wasn’t connected to a printer needing a firmware update, I THOUGHT it was fine….but it was moving slow as molasses. Ah, great, here comes a virus, thinks I…and just as I’m about to start up my Advanced System Care to have a look at the problem, the laptop gleefully announces in a VERY sexy feminine voice,
“AVAST, Virus System Database, has been UPDATED!”
My anti-virus program was updating in the background, taking up all the laptops available resources to do so, making the laptop seem slow! So, keeping score now…a system update of some kind kicked me in the ass not one, not two, but THREE times in less than a few minutes! The anger broke, and I laughed my fool head off! Autumn Shaylee called me in the midst of all this foolishness and told me she’d never heard me this angry…maybe she should get over right away and let me tie her up again?
I wouldn’t be opposed to that…lol. 😉
Didn’t happen tho…she was off to do family stuff and just called to check in on me. She said she’d NEVER heard me this angry before…it was kinda amusing. 🙂 What wasn’t amusing was how high I jumped when the phone rang…I was so into solving all these problems it scared the literal crap outta me…lol!
This stuff slammed me once again yesterday. The day started out normally enough and my computers were fine…then all of a sudden, I kept getting “Firefox cannot connect to the server” error messages. WTF? My bill was paid up, I had all 4 lights on my modem lit…why wasn’t the computer connecting? It SAID it was connecting to the Internet…???
I called my ISP twice (and am now convinced that they all live in INDIA) and was stunned that they knew next to nothing about FireFox…they wanted me to do all my probing into this via Internet Explorer….who uses THAT anymore?! Apparently, my ISP does…lmao! They were useless…and I battled it out on my own.
“Help” line? More like a “Helpless” line…lol.
Did a fair job of it and managed to get FF to connect to sites like Twitter, Facebook and others, but intermittently…sometimes it would work, other times it wouldn’t. This was really weird and it was like nothing I’d seen before. Then, my laptop did something unexpected and something that I wouldn’t have thought would help…
It found and collected an SOFTWARE UPDATE for Adobe Flash Player.
Thinking nothing of it (but having the same problems on the laptop as on the desktop), I downloaded the update and installed it…and the fcuking laptop worked fine now and accessed the Internet perfectly again.
Who KNEW Flash Player was so DAMNED important???!
So, I struggled to get the desktop to get the update (I was still getting error messages when trying to connect with Adobe), but eventually got it to download…and my computer is fine and fully functional once again. Go fcuking figure…FLASH PLAYER. And a SOFTWARE UPDATE kicks my ass once again and paralyzes my computer fun for a FULL DAY while I stoopidly tried to figure it all out.
I want a goddamn discount the next time I buy an updated version of Adobe Photoshop Elements to compensate me for lost computer fun time…lol.
And there’s my rant. Goddamn fcuking updates…if the shyte is working, leave it the fcuk alone and don’t fcuk with it!!!
(steps down from rant soapbox, bows, and taps out.) 🙂
Tolstoy
